Lila...look!

I'm studying about the Holy Spirit again. I say "again" because I have been on a 40-year quest to get to know Him, the One that Jesus promised to send us when He left the earth. To this end, I'm reading (again) a book written by Catherine Marshall entitled The Helper.

One of the chapters is about the way the Spirit helps us know how to pray. He enables us to see things the way that Jesus sees them, and when that happens, we know we are praying in God's will, and when that happens, we know our prayer is answered! (I John 5:14).

That's where I want to dwell: in the confidence that I'm praying in a manner to which God responds.

In order to do this, I have to learn to see a situation the way that Jesus sees it, and intercede the way that He would. That means I have to see things through His eyes. How do I do it?

This makes me think of our granddaughter, Lila. We'll see things that we think would be interesting to her. "Look, Lila! There's a hummingbird!" or "Look, there's a deer drinking from the pond!" She squints her eyes and peers everywhere but the right direction. Usually she's looking right in front of herself instead of further out. Then we take her little head in our hands and turn it toward the subject, and we try to send her eyes in a straight line at the end of our pointed finger. We want her to see what we're seeing. Sometimes she gets it, sometimes not.

That's me. I need God's hands on my head directing it, letting me see what's at the end of His pointed finger. Maybe He sees me the way we think about Lila: "When she matures, she'll see."

I pray that the Holy Spirit will show me how to look through Jesus's eyes.

Compelled to Write

I'm writing this morning because I am compelled to. Not that I've had multiple requests for postings (I wish!), but because I can't be content not to. The urge to let out whatever is trapped inside me won't go away. In the May/June 2010 edition of "Writer's Digest," Anne Lamott says about writing, "It's absolutely the most important thing you can do if that thing is inside you, tugging on your sleeve, hoping you'll notice it there, urging you to be one of the storytellers." It's there with me all right, like a child pulling on my clothes until I notice him.

I also attended a writer's workshop this past weekend, led by Penny Whipps, a literary agent and veteran in the publishing industry. Not that I expect to be published, but I went for two reasons: to accompany a close friend, and to be exposed to others who share my passion. In the seminar, Penny stressed the importance of tapping into the social network. I haven't given in yet to Facebook, etc., and everybody seems to have a blog. I stopped writing in this one because nobody read it (not even my children). But I know it's time to get back in public writing. I can express my feelings easily in my journal, but the challenge of penning something that anybody can see is intimidating. Nevertheless, I'm doing it. This is like spending endless hours shooting free throws after basketball practice. My skills will improve; my confidence will rise, and who knows? I might even post on Facebook!

Getting Ready for Thanksgiving

Okay, so yesterday I had a meltdown. I yelled at the boys present, apologized later, got counseled by my daughter-in-law, got forgiven and prayed for. I can always blame my computer (because I hate to admit I'm technologically challenged); I just couldn't get something to work.

After a few tears and confessions, I realize what is happening. Part of mine and Burt's job is to protect the peace at our "tent." Everyone who comes on our property comments on the feeling of serenity that is present her, and we have to make sure that this feeling prevails because it is His divine Presence. I know that part of a verse of scripture tells us to "endeavor to keep the peace..." When I went to my concordance to look up the reference for it, I was surprised to see all the passages that refer to "peace." One in Psalms particularly impressed me: "Work hard at living in peace with other." (Psalm 34:14). Wow. Maybe it isn't all that easy!

In a few hours we will have a house full of sons, wives, grandchildren, and dogs. We will have a very mad cat. What I have to realize that the meltdown I gave way to yesterday was a challenge to let my guard down when it came to keeping the peace. I didn't do so well.

Today, I'm ready to think about the purpose of the Season that we are about to enter. I am determined that the Prince of Peace will be welcome in our home, and that others will recognize His presence... but there's still nothing wrong with a good cry!

Girlfriends

I know that girlfriends was God's idea. I have just spent five whole glorious days with two close friends. We have sons the same ages. Our boys played high school football together. We shared moments of anxiety over sports injuries, teenage romances, college choices, and later danced at their weddings. Now we share information about their careers. Our sons now live with their wives in our same small hometown they knew as teenagers. Together, we celebrate them and the amazing young men that they are.

For five days, we have reflected on the phases of life. We laughed together, rode bikes, swam in pools, and enjoyed our friendship. Sally Clarkson expresses it much more eloquently than I can in her blog (www.wholeheart.typepad.com) in her posting, "I take joy; I need friends." As I get older, I find that the things we look for in others are so rich and wonderful. We have learned to cherish our parents, both those left and those who have passed on. We encourage one another. We push for physical fitness and optimistic outlooks. We hold hands and pray, and mean every word of it.

One morning, two of us were riding our bikes and we stopped by a gift shop. In it I came across a notepad with the following quote across the bottom: "Cherish the little things, because one day you realize the little things really were the big things." We shared a moment when I gave them each a notepad. With tears in our eyes, we agreed that this celebration of friendship was one of the "little things" that we will cherish.

The Secret Place

This morning I experienced a small taste of the meaning of the Psalm 91:1, "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High abides under the shadow of the Almighty." With the aid of noise canceling headphones, I listened to a playlist of beautiful worship music, and there I was overcome with the presence of God. From the first sounds of "Lord, You're Beautiful," I was compelled to get alone and fall to my knees. I found myself weeping from somewhere deep within my soul. Eventually I rested on my bed and lifted my arms up to the One whose love I was seeking.

I had the mental picture of our little grandchild as he sees me approach him and he reaches up to me with happy expectation. What a precious picture of how God yearns for us to want Him to "pick us up" to where He is! I thought of another verse that I have struggled to understand, Ephesians 2:6, "For He raised us from the dead along with Christ, and are seated with Him in the heavenly realms-- all because we are one with Christ Jesus." For the first time, I think I have a glimpse of what that means. I felt that God had indeed reached down and picked me up into His presence. For an hour and a half I didn't think about earthly responsibilities, or my puny needs; I was simply enraptured with His presence. I also began to understand what the scripture means that says our God is a jealous God. It doesn't mean that Almighty God is some egotist who has to be admired; far from it! It just that when I heard the first words of worship, I felt the Holy Spirit drawing me aside where we could be alone, just as we as human beings desire sometimes to be alone with the ones we love the most so we can we experience intimacy with them.

Feeling the calmness that settled over my soul, it came to me how important it is for us to teach our children to learn the benefits of this practice. They need to experience at a young age the peace that comes when they develop the habit of seeking a secret place with the Father. The practice of escaping from the noise and sensory stimuli that bombards them constantly will cause their mental and physical attributes to develop as well as their spiritual. What a wonderful concept to think of teaching our children to draw aside for a period of time to get to know the God of the Universe. And He made us a promise. He said if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us! He also said that if we seek Him, we will find Him. It's not a game; it's a promise beyond our comprehension!

Reflecting His Presence

This morning, Burt and I are enjoying the beauty (and temperature!) of the North Georgia Mountains. We came up to Brasstown Valley Resort for a few days of R & R. It has been wonderful, being away with just ourselves. I rode with my husband while he played a round of golf, and although I don't ever aspire to be a golfer, I enjoyed seeing the beautifully groomed course, situated in the valley with the Blue Ridge Mountains forming a backdrop. I didn't bring any golf shoes with me, so I took off my sandals and pampered my feet in the carpet of grass. Then I pampered them even more with a trip to the spa!

It is hard to say which is more delectable, the food or the setting in which it is served. We have sat on the porch overlooking the valley/golf course at each meal. Breakfast is refreshing, and the afternoon sunsets are glorious. But this is only a part of the story.

For three days, the Lord has let us relax. Then this morning at breakfast, He took us off the bench and put us back into the game. He sent us a server with a hungry heart. His name was Jonathan, and one word led to another, until we found ourselves discussing things of a Spiritual nature. At one point, he asked Burt if he ever "preached" or spoke at churches or places like that. When we said no, we just shared what God seemed to want us to say to whomever He sent across our path, the young guy seemed fascinated. He wanted to know if we were staying longer because he would like to talk some more. We exchanged contact information, and then agreed to meet him this afternoon when he gets off work at 3:00P.M.

Somehow, this young man saw something in us that he was seeking. He had a heart that was hungry and a mind that wanted answers. We didn't seek him out. He was led to us, and our spirits connected. Our job is not to answer every question that he has. Our responsibility is simply to not blur the reflection of Christ that should be on us.

God's ways are so wonderful. He has allowed us time to enjoy one another, as well as His magnificent creation, and maybe even set the course for another person's life. what a privilege and an honor to be the reflection of Him!

The Family Returns

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Thankfully, I am blessed to have a husband who not only understands my need for R&R, but is willing to accompany me to some wonderful place that is seems God always provides just before I jump off the edge. One of these occasions happened immediately after Memorial Day following a visit from our children. The family group consisted of four of our five sons, three wives (one pregnant), a 22-month old grandson, an 18-month-old granddaughter, a 3-week-old newborn granddaughter, and three dogs (much to the consternation of our dominant male cat).

When boys come home, they hardly ever come alone, regardless of their ages. They generally will have friends, girlfriend, or wife. They also bring with them various accoutrements, all pertaining to some form of activity. From the moment they arrive the foyer of our house is practically impassable because of the collection of guns, fishing rods, boots, cameras, Frisbees, footballs, the latest exercise-related paraphernalia, and camouflage bags containing mysterious items that I have yet to identify. The girls come with certain equipment as well, now mostly pertaining to childrearing, i.e., diapers and wipes (three different sizes), baby appropriate food (organic), and the quintessential collection of favorite toys for each child. Soon the counters in the kitchen and laundry room disappear under the assortment of diaper changing stations, sippy cups, bottles, and breast pump equipment. My kitchen becomes a lab for preparing toddler meals and sanitizing nursing items.

I have found that the challenges of having our grown-up family at home are things that nobody prepared me for. It was a big adjustment when I had our own children, and found myself being a mother. At the same time I was also a daughter and a daughter-in-law. In the course of a few fast years, my role included being a mother-in-law, and now a grandmother…as well as a wife. I never realized how difficult it could be to juggle all those titles at once. I have the type of temperament that wants everyone around me to be happy, and if I perceive they aren’t, it somehow becomes my responsibility. Sometimes I’d like to post signs in my kitchen that say things like “Kitchen closed because of illness; I’m tired of cooking!” but somehow I can’t bring myself to be that cold. Besides, my family would be appalled to think that their servile mother could be guilty of such attitudes!

Anyway, the challenges of trying to make sure everyone is having a good time and that all the needs are being met sometimes gets to me. For instance, I’ve discovered that buying groceries for an anticipated visit from the children can be daunting. Trying to remember everybody’s favorite cereal, who’s eating sugar and who’s using a substitute, who need fiber and who doesn’t (I mean… who doesn’t?), who wants red meat and who likes fish, what likes what kind of snacks, what flavor/brand of ice cream, bread, or dog food are acceptable, and where in heaven’s name to find plain whole-milk yogurt for the toddlers in a small town like ours can wring me out! Now that there are only my easy-to-please husband and me at home alone, we can easily be satisfied with a simple salad or a bowl of cereal, or our frequent spur-of-the moment meals in town, but when we have an army to feed, that gets a little pricey! Don’t get me wrong; our family members are more than happy to cooperate and bring/cook/or do anything I ask to help. I just can’t remember that it isn’t all up to me! That’s why I have to brace myself against having a meltdown in the middle of Winn-Dixie and having to explain to my husband why it took two hours to finish shopping.

I’ve also found that I need to feel organized when they walk in the door. Don’t ask why it makes me feel better to know that my sweat pants are folded in the drawer, the kitchen knives are all sharpened, and the grass cut before they come, but that makes a difference. It also helps to know that the floor is vacuumed, mopped, and free of small objects for the little explorers, and that the sheets are all clean and the bathtubs sanitary. I’m much more relaxed to know that I don’t have to run interference for them when they come in.

The biggest challenge of all, however, is monitoring everybody’s emotional health. I thought that once the boys became grown men, they would have worked out their differences and accepted one another as the wonderful individuals that they are, leaving behind the irritations and temperament traits that can cause clashes. I was wrong. Now the best I can pray for is that will deal with issues in a mature way that reflects their Christian character and privately enough that I don’t have to be drawn in to the conflict. For some reason, it is sometimes hard for me to realize that I don’t need to be the referee, although they have tried to instill that in my head all their lives. Now that there are wives to consider, things can get even more complicated, not because the girls are difficult, but because, like me, they hate to see any disagreement among the brothers. I also am sensitive to the fact that we still have two bachelors within the family, and I don’t want them to feel less validated because some of the brothers have wives and children.

So when the last of the tail lights disappear down the driveway, I find myself physically and emotionally depleted. It’s time then to recognize that what I need is a long bubble bath, a good night’s sleep, and some time with the earthly father who is responsible for all this, as well as the heavenly Father whose plan it was from the beginning.