The Age for Spanking

In talking to young moms, I continuously find the question coming up concerning the age at which a child should be spanked. How young? How old?  I’ll pass along two experiences I had as a mom struggling to maintain discipline in our household of boys. This is taken directly from one of the many journals I kept as the boys were growing up.

June 23, 1983

Dear Journal,

Today I had a showdown with our 13-year-old. It must be boredom from school being out, but seems the boys have annoyed one another worse than ever! The main one is the oldest, who insists on harassing the younger brothers. Finally today I couldn’t stand it another minute. I waited until Burt Sr. came home for lunch, not because I wanted him to punish him, but I wanted our son to know his dad was backing me up, and also because I was so exasperated I thought I might hurt him! (Although I wasn’t sure I could; he’s 6’ tall and outweighs me!)

Anyway, when Burt Sr. came in, I asked him to follow me to the bedroom where I told our son to wait. I made our big boy pull down his outside pants, lean over the bed, and I spanked him as hard as I could on his bottom. It has been ten years or so since I actually used corporal punishment with him, but this time his behavior was so juvenile, it was appropriate.

The spanking our 13-year-old got worked. A few weeks later I was leaving his room and I saw a note he had posted on his message board. It said: Remember: Be nice to brothers.  (Note: it was his last spanking.)

As with everything, I learned on the first child. It’s a miracle he turned out well. It was liberating to discover I could expect obedience from even a young toddler. One day as I attempted to change one of our squirmy little boys, he repeatedly flipped over and crawled away with amazing speed. I found myself on the floor crawling after him, grabbing his foot and dragging him back, only to have the process repeated. After several attempts, I realized how ridiculous it was for me, a grownup woman, to be on my hands and knees, trying to catch a stubborn little boy. Several good pops on his bare bottom let him know he had to lie still for a diaper change.

The secret to any successful discipline is to make sure the child knows who’s in charge…and it’s not him.