Permission to Retire

This morning I’m reflecting on an event I attended last night: my 50th high school class reunion. Gathered together were 60 sixty-somethings. (Some of us tried to change “sixty” to “sexy,” but it was hard to pull it off!) Instead we repeated “you look so good!” without adding the implied “...for your age.” Truthfully, it was good to see everybody at approximately the same point in the race. We all know how old we are;why pretend? I was amused at the responsibility we assumed for granting one another permission to enjoy this stage of life. Several times I overheard, or participated in, one of these conversations: “I’m ready to do some traveling...see the world.” “Well, you should!” Or... “I’m done with travel. Seen everything I want to see. Ready to watch it on the Travel Chanel.” “I don’t blame you! Stay home and rest!” Or... “I want to do something funky with my dining room. Like make a light fixture out of old mattress springs!” “Why don’t you?” Or... “I have a house full of furniture I’ve saved for my children, and none of them want it. I’m ready to dump it all and simplify my life!” “And you should! Why hang on to things?” Or... “Where are the antique stores? I love collecting memorabilia.” “Yes, we need to cherish the familiar.” You get the idea. It’s like we need to give each other permission to do whatever our heart is telling us. At one time I felt challenged to do what others my age did: exercise, travel, paint a picture, take up ballroom dancing, garden, etc. Now it’s okay if some of those things simply aren’t “my thing.” It’s okay if I want to linger in bed on Saturday morning, even when the plants need watering and the suitcase from my last weekend trip needs unpacking. When I get up and go with my husband to clean spider webs from the dock, it’s okay to come back and sit for a bit and do nothing. When I sat to put these thoughts down on paper—that is, computer— the cat wanted to settle in my lap for a long nap. I shooed him away because he made me lazy with his warm, furry body curled into my belly and his sonorous purring lowering my blood pressure. Suddenly, I realized something. It’s easier to give someone else permission to do what they want than it is to do it to ourselves. I’ve lived sixty-something years doing what needed to be done, meeting deadlines and others’ expectations. So now, if I want to lie on the couch for a while, blaming the cat because I haven’t checked off everything on my list, so be it. And I’ll bet if I share this notion with one of my classmates at tonight’s function, somebody will give me permission!

This morning I was gazing out the window of our sunroom in a languid Saturday-morning mood when something caught my attention-- the reflection of a doe at the edge of the water at the pond. As I focused on her, a little fawn came scampering out of the woods and ran up and down the bank, cavorting around. It reminded me of a scene last night when Burt and I met our son and his family at Bass Pro. Our 3-year-old granddaughter doesn't know how to walk; she only knows how to run! (At least that's the way it appears!) I took her to use the restroom and on the way had to apologize to four people she almost collided with. She delighted in having wide aisles with shiny floors to barrel through. My grandmother instincts kicked in and I thought how dangerous it would be if she chose to run across the parking lot when we left. "What's wrong with holding my hand?" I wondered. Thankfully the parking lot wasn't an issue because her parents trained her to wait at the curb, but seeing the little deer this morning gave me a fresh picture of youth and the exuberance of being high on life! The mother deer was placidly sipping water from the pond, yet alert to any suspicious movement or sounds. Her baby reveled in the freedom to cut loose and play. Isn't that what God wants us to do? If we truly lived in Psalm 91 mentality, wouldn't we be enjoying His peace, knowing His presence and awareness of us is covering us continuously? My prayer this morning is that I learn how to embrace the Presence we have with us at all times. Thanks for being my outlet this morning. I just had to get this written and for some reason, I wanted to share it with you...whoever and wherever you are!

Is this retirement?

"So, Miss Careen, what do retired people do?"

The question struck me as odd, because the one asking it was the person who has helped me in our home for the past ten years, since I "retired." I started thinking...was she asking because she apparently doesn't see me doing anything, or is it because we stay so busy she doesn't realize I've retired from something?

I'm trying to find the answer to the question. Let's see, the past ten days, here's what I've done:

A week ago this past Thursday, Pops and I drove to Macon and babysat our three grandchildren so Clint and Helen could have a night out. It was their first "date" since the new baby, Hartley, had been born. We entertained Harrison and Hannah (more accurately, they entertained us), fed them supper, and rocked little Hartley until the parents returned, then we drove home around midnight.

Friday was a rest day! Then on Saturday, I visited with our youngest son Josh, his wife Jenny and their new baby, Molly (two weeks old), who live across the highway. I helped Jenny entertain an out-of-town guest who had come to see the new baby. Pops spent the morning on the tractor spraying food plots for the deer, and the afternoon playing 18 holes of golf with our middle son Jed, who was down from Atlanta. His expressed purpose in coming was to take me on a date! We hadn't had any fun time together lately, so he wanted to do it. We went to dinner at The Trellis restaurant in Americus, the nicest place in town. I enjoyed every minute of the time we spent in conversation. Sunday, it was church and lunch at Josh and Jenny's. The remainder of the week was filled with three workouts at the gym, two Bible studies, sharing meals with the new parents, counseling a young woman Burt met in Cracker Barrel one morning, who came and spent the night in our guest house.

On Friday of last week, I had an unexpected call from Lila, our almost-four granddaughter, who was at the beach with her family. She wanted to know if I wanted to come to the beach and "sleep with her in the big bed." I wasn't too keen on sharing the bed with Lila, but joining them at Watercolor, I could do! So Pops and I left the next day and came down, and here we are! We'll go home tomorrow and get geared up for the expected influx of guest that will come during hunting season.

So what is all this saying? If our time was spent looking for entertainment for ourselves, I can't imagine how bored we'd be. The fact is, we never know what surprises God has for us every morning. We get calls about serious prayer requests, unexpected guests staying overnight in the guest house or the carriage house, and repeated opportunities to share with people daily, the goodness of God that has graced our lives.

Retirement for us simply means we don't go to the same work place every day. It means we are free agents, ready to be used by the Lord to be blessings to others whenever the Holy Spirit taps us on the shoulder and puts us in the game. The days we have nothing to do are almost non-existent, but we figure we worked for forty years for this moment of availability.

Home Alone

Tonight finds Pops and me at home alone! ( Sound like we like it, doesn't it??) I'll admit...it is kinda' nice not to have anything to do or anybody to interact with. The Lord send so many people our way, and we absolutely LOVE it, but tonight, we needed a quiet night. It's the beginning of the Labor Day weekend, and we feel as if we're on vacation. I made dinner; we ate in the sunroom where my man was enjoying watching the Braves game on TV, and everything tasted so GOOD, I just have to share my recipes!

First, I cooked fresh salmon, purchased at Publix a few weeks ago (I froze it). Here is the recipe, which I got from wwww.allrecipes.com:

Ingredients

1/4 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup olive oil

1/4 cup soy sauce

2 teaspoons lemon pepper

1 teaspoon dried thyme

1 teaspoon dried basil

1 teaspoon dried parsley

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

4 (6 ounce) salmon fillets

Directions

Whisk together the brown sugar, olive oil, soy sauce, lemon pepper, thyme, basil, parsley, and garlic powder in a bowl, and pour into a resealable plastic bag. Add the salmon fillets, coat with the marinade, squeeze out excess air, and seal the bag. Marinate in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour, turning occasionally.

Preheat an outdoor grill for medium heat, and lightly oil the grate. Remove the salmon from the marinade, and shake off excess. Discard the remaining marinade.

Grill the salmon on the preheated grill until browned and the fish flakes easily with a fork, about 5 minutes on each side.

Note: since I didn't want to fire the grill for a small piece of salmon, I used the oven. I set it a little hot, about 400 degrees, and the sugar on the fish caramelized around it—yummy. I also hardly ever measure, so there were probably more spices in the recipe than called for. Just go for it—you can't lose, if you like salmon!

Then I put together the best tasting salad! I must share it with you:

I mixed Baby Romaine lettuce (buy-one-get-one-free at Winn-Dixie) with some marinated goat cheese (also purchased at W-D), threw in some Kalamata olives, marinated artichoke hearts (in a jar), and the crowning touch...fresh grape tomatoes and cucumbers given to us by our new friends from Athens, GA, that we just met last weekend on a Lay Witness Mission at their church in Athens. I used my own olive oil-balsamic vinegar dressing, and it was YUM-IE!!!

There's not a lot of spiritual depth to this post. I guess the point is that, after 41 years of marriage, I enjoy serving my man and letting him relax more than I did years ago when I was in the throes of child-rearing, and needed his help to settle the guys for bedtime. Those years, I resented his relaxing at night because I couldn't. Things have changed. He now realizes how much his presence means to me, regardless of the task, and I've come to realize how much I need him. We both realize how much we enjoy taking care of each other!

We also enjoy the same menu...and a quiet weekend!

Happy Labor Day, Everybody!!!!

My Little Diva

I've learned some things about little girls lately. Especially about my little girls. Especially about Hannah, my little granddaughter. I've learned I can't trust them...out of sight, that is!

We thought the challenge at our house would be the big boy toys: the knives, guns, matches, and other trinkets that fascinate both little boys, as well as big (as in, grown-up) ones. I never stopped to think that my stuff was in jeopardy. Our sons never seemed interested in the things I kept in the bathroom, except the time that one of them came walking into my room filled with guests, carrying a handful of tampons. That temptation was easy to fix; I just put them away and simply explained that was something that for girls, not for boys. No problem; our boys didn't want "girl stuff."

So I hadn't considered the possibility of little girls being interested in my things. I actually thought I'd enjoy having granddaughters to share lotion and nail polish and jewelry with. Guess I didn't realize that Hannah, at age 2, was ready to share. So when she disappeared for a few minutes and found my make-up, and you see the results! She looks much better without make-up!

Balancing our Lives

I got this message from one of my "special girls," a young mom with two toddlers and a newborn:

My servant attitude sure has been challenged recently. Especially with the addition of another little one with so many "needs". I have even caught myself rolling my eyes when a little one dares to utter the word, "Mama". I know alot of my attitudes are from lack of sleep and the constant "neediness" of being a mom. Trying to adjust/correct my 'tude, but also trying not to beat myself up during this season of my life. It's all a balancing act.........but that has left me wondering, does it ever balance?

I understand the question. Will the day ever come that we don't have some disappointment in ourselves as moms, those times when we lose our cool and find the very ones we are devoted to and would lay down our lives for are the ones we become frustrated with. I said that, at times, I didn't even LIKE my own kids! I realize now it was myself I didn't like. I didn't like my lack of self-control, my lack of patience, my lack of the nature of Jesus. That's what I wanted to show to my family, but instead I have shown annoyance to the very ones God sent me to minister to. The disappointment in my own behavior becomes a harsh exposure of the deficiencies in my own life.

Dealing with the stubborn spirit in our children makes it evident how far we human beings are from being like the Master. No doubt, to God we look no different from the belligerent two-year-old who throws herself on the floor and kicks her feet, or the siblings who tug and wrestle over some toy. It's all about having our things our way. The angry little toddler who screams at being denied a treat before dinner is motivated by the same spirit that causes me to yell at a child who just tracked mud over my clean floor.

Dealing with small children shows me another spiritual lesson: I can't do it successfully without HELP. And that's exactly why God sent the Holy Spirit to us, to help us in our weaknesses. Yes, everything is a balance. Our busy, demanding lives have to be balanced with time to be refreshed and renewed by the Holy Spirit. Sometimes we just need a nap! Parenting is not easy; to me, neither is grand-parenting. My precious grandchildren remind me how much I need God's help to let the fruit of the Spirit come forth.

Sometimes I think I expose too much to the young women I mentor. I confess my lack of composure. But at the same time, I tell them where to find the watering hole: resting on Jesus's bosom and believing He will impart His presence to us and His wisdom for the tasks we face. Jesus Himself became tired. He sat "wearily" by a well and sent the disciples on ahead to get food (John 4:6); He needed time alone so He left the disciples early in the morning and went to pray (Mark 1:35). I love the verse in Mark 1:33, "The whole town gathered at [his] door." That's a verse we mothers can relate to—sometimes it feels like the whole town is gathered at our door...especially when we're in the bathroom!

The life of Jesus was one of composure and balance. The only way to find this for ourselves is to spend time in His presence, and that means we remember He has placed His Spirit within us, and because of it, we will find the balance we need.

Tea and Servanthood

I spent yesterday propped in bed, sipping hot tea and fighting cold symptoms. Taking the advice of one of my "Tuesday Morning Mamas," I resisted going through stacks of books or cleaning out the fridge! Why is it that we women need permission to take the day off?

Days like this remind me of the times when our boys were little and I had an occasional day of feeling poorly, all I wanted was to be left alone! Irma Bombeck said she understood why animals go off in the woods alone when they are sick. Makes perfect sense to me. However, having such a day makes me feel thankful again for the people who have helped me over the years.

Like Emma.

Emma came four days a week when I had five little boys running around, and she was like their second mother. (Mine too.) Our kindergartner at the time told his teacher he had a stepmother; her name was Emma. Emma rescued me, or I should say rescued the kids, when I didn't have a clue how to raise babies. She made it look easy. Many afternoons the younger boys would walk home with her and she'd make them peanut butter/jelly sandwiches at her house. Seems things always tasted better there.

The reason I'm so aware of these memories is probably because the Tuesday Morning Mamas all went together to see The Help at the movies a few nights ago. It grieves me to think about some of the injustices that have been done to people who were created in the image of God and made to love one another. I grew up on a farm in the Deep South, and our relationship with all the people working was one of mutual respect and genuine love. I will always be grateful to Emma, for the patience she had with our children, the laughter we shared over family incidences, and for the days she let me enjoy a cup of hot tea alone in my room and not feel guilty about it!!

Our Tuesday Morning group began a study this week of Proverbs 31...you know, the chapter about the perfect woman. Reading it is like inviting Rachel Ray, Paula Dean, or Julia Childs to come for dinner: regardless of what we'd cook, it wouldn't measure up to their standards. That's how most women feel when they read about the Proverbs Lady. I hope, however, this study is going to be inspirational to all of us and not the opposite.

The main point this week was that the woman in the scripture receives praise from her family because of her serving others. Jesus made crystal clear the value He placed on servant attitude. When two disciples were squabbling over who was the greatest, He put everyone in his place by saying, "You know that in this world kings are tyrants, and officials lord it over the people beneath them. But among you it should be quite different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant..." (Mark 10: 42-43).

There is no pretty way to state it: mothers are servants. But we serve out of a heart of love and not resentment (except, every now and then, right?). In the end, it's the servanthood we have demonstrated that causes our husbands and children to praise us. Looking back, I realize the things I praise Emma for were all acts of service, things that made my life easier and our family's life more enjoyable. Our families will feel the same way about us as moms. The things they will remember are sometimes the things we resent doing, a.k.a. the serving. But the first step in our fulfillment is to let the attitude be in us as it was in Christ, who refused to resent the servant's role that He took on Himself. At the same time, we must believe the Spirit will work on our family members to give them ability to appreciate what we do.

In a Christ-centered marriage, grace is imparted into our husbands and children to praise us. In other relationships, there is no guarantee that we won't be taken for granted. This added to my list of things to thank God for this week: a godly man who praises and appreciates me, and children who bless me every day... and occasional days when I can stay propped up in bed with a cup of tea!