The Re-TIRED Mother

This is Mother’s Day, 2014.

I’m home alone for now, not one of our five sons anywhere in sight. But don’t be too quick to condemn them. They have given me the greatest gift any children could give a parent. They are living out the scripture that expresses the deepest and most gratifying need of my heart, Psalm 133:1-2:

                          How pleasant, how wonderful it is for brothers to dwell together in unity….It is like                  the dew of Mt. Hermon that falls on the mountains of Jerusalem.

In reading one of the translations of that verse, I found a commentary that says the Greek word for brothers refers to  “children of the same parents.” So although it certainly can apply to members of Christ’s church, it primarily refers to blood brothers. What a thrilling, challenging discovery that was for me. Having unity among our sons is the most comforting, fulfilling state of existence imaginable to me as a mother. It’s also the most difficult to achieve.

Over the years of childrearing, I came to realize that when I was in the midst of conflict, I shut down. Tension increases in my body, and my ability to think clearly becomes muddled. When I studied the temperament types, in material I found in the writings of Dr. Tim LaHaye and his wife Beverly, I realized part of this inability results from my phlegmatic nature. It helps to understand it, but knowing this doesn’t fix the problem. Conflict simply disarmes me. I fretted and stewed over this for a number of years, wondering how to bring it to pass in our family of six (five sons and a dad) highly competitive, opinionated, boisterous males. Conflict and disunity seemed to be the norm for every day.

As with everything else that’s good and ordained by God, I concluded that He would have to accomplish it. First, I had to make sure my unity with Him was established. I looked up “Mt. Hermon” on line and found out it is the highest point of the mountain range controlled by Israel. It is the “dew,” or the rains that fall on this mountain peak that run down and form the Jordan River, which brings refreshment to the whole area of Jerusalem. Spending time in the presence of the Lord is like experiencing the refreshing dew that falls on the mountain. God’s refreshing Spirit falls on us, and we likewise become the “river of living water” to the plains below. But if we never retreat to the mountain and spend time in His presence, we can’t bring refreshment to those below. So, as most things I want to see manifested in others, it had to begin in me.

Next, the boys had to see unity between their dad and me. I had to get rid of subtle—and sometimes not so subtle—attitudes and irritations in my own thinking toward the man God blessed me with to be the head of our family. The boys saw it in us. They’re very perceptive. When it wasn’t there, they knew it.

The climax to this process of dwelling together in unity came as a surprise to me. I saw it happen when the boys read the manuscript I’ve written about our family. I believe God showed us all at the same time that one of His purposes in our family is that we demonstrate to the world the truth that a family can maintain unity, despite differences and clashes in personalities and temperaments. Reading the manuscript for the boys was the same thing I experienced as I was writing it. A backwards journey of our lives. As we retraced some steps, and relived some experiences, we all began to see how God has been weaving a big plan for us as a family. We are compelled to respond to the bugle call to unity. Reading the manuscript awakened a sense of openness and vulnerability among the brothers that was beginning to wane. Their busy lives and entrepreneurial tendencies was driving them apart, but the Lord used this time to draw them back together.

This is the gift I’ve been receiving for the past year. As each of my men wrote his own “Curtain Call” at the end of my story, the Holy Spirit used it to remind them that we were put together in a human family by God’s design for a greater purpose. Over the past several months, I’ve seen our sons reunite in beautiful ways. They’ve been more supportive of each other’s endeavors. They’ve formed business relationships. They’ve had meaningful conversations. And, yes, they worked through conflicts with more respect for one another.

Is this a happy Mother’s Day? Absolutely. Because I’m a happy mother. I’m seeing our family respond to the call that God had for us from the beginning.

P.S. Even after sweet phone calls and loving message from them all, I found out before the day was over that I have a gift certificate waiting for me at my favorite bike shop! They’re so wonderful to me.